10% right

When I disagree with someone, I like to think that I’m 100% right and because they don’t agree with me, they are naturally 100% wrong.  And while thinking that way does make me feel better about myself, it doesn’t always make things easier or help things get done.  One of the first lessons I’ve had to learn since I got out of college was that conflict was inevitable.  And the second lesson I had to learn was that when there is a conflict or a problem, a leader needs to run TOWARDS it, not AWAY from it.

A few years ago, I was talking with my friend Chris H and we were discussing a guy who used to attend our church but stopped because he had some disagreements with our stances on some issues and for some personal reasons too.  Both of us felt that he had overeacted and were confident that we were “right”, and that he was “wrong” or at best, “misguided”.  But Chris in his wisdom said something… he said that the guy was 10% right.

That stuck with me.  Even though he was 90% wrong, overwhelmingly wrong, he wasn’t totally wrong.  He had a valid point, feeling, or idea that you couldn’t really ignore. 

In the past few years when I’ve had some real disagreements of conflicts with others, at the time my emotions told me that I was totally in the right and they were totally in the wrong.  But once that passed, looking back, you can see where even if they were 90% or even 98% wrong, there was a small amount of truth or validity to their side.

Last Spring everybody talked about how Barack Obama’s pastor Jeremiah Wright was a hate filled angry firebrand for what he said after 9/11.  And there was pressure on Obama to condemn the remarks.  He did and he should have.  But even though what Rev. Wright said wasn’t appropriate or even really correct, there was an anger that he and many others felt about living for so long in a country that had for many years treated them as second class citizens.  That anger towards discrimination and injustice was right, but the way it was expressed, and the timing of the expression were bad, tasteless, and wrong.

I think a challenge for myself and for other leaders is to find ways to see the 10% truth in our opponents and while we may totally disagree with the other 90%, validate where we see their point.  And how can I help my opponents better see the 10% where they agree with me…